Global Communications > Development Media

The Thought of Suicide

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Jeron [SharpSh00tah]:
Well, I cant thank you guys enough, but the job hunt starts again today. I feel like my chest weights 1000 pounds. But guys thank you for real, atleast there is someone to talk to. I had countless IM's through steam over the days, and I cant thank enought of you. If I didnt respond please dont think I was ignoring you.

Jonathan [Spider]:
keep hittin the pavement every day dude, its rough right now but just gotta be persistent you'll get something soon enough I'm sure.
If you need to talk again you can bug me and monkey on steam again for another pow wow, or text me or what ever.

The Cy:
jeron, I don´t know you, but I´m a big fan of your work. it´s obvious that you´re a fantastic level designer. don´t let that precious talent go to waste. the world is a damn motherfucker sometime which tries to force you into a lonely corner. which makes you suffer. which drives your mind fucking crazy every minute.

but believe me: there will be better times. after all this shit you will open your eyes from a new perspective which allows you to breath freely. that will be the moment you will raise again...bit by bit.

InvertedShadow:
Sharp,
I'm sorry to hear your life has gotten so hard. I feel for you man. My life has been on a constant decline for months now. I've lost enthusiasm, confidence, the works. But I know it's just a phase of life, people have to go through ups and downs it seems.

I really hope stuff works out for you.

WatchMyTrace:
All I read was your first post jeron I feel for ya man but just let me share a thing or two with you.
Everyone has demons to wrestle with and everyone comes opon hard times in there life, everyone.
 I've been poor and starving in trouble with the law, evicted and almost homeless all in the same year. Oh yeah and I was almost addicted to cocaine and I got home invaded and robbed at gun point.  But things change in life and it is true that after every dark night there is a bright day.
 I had no idea what to do with my life though and it took a lot of thinking but I decided to join the army (canadian) and for the first time in my life I found some purpose and direction. 3 years went by I got healthy, confident, I was making good money, got a girlfriend who I love, and I felt like I could take on the world.
 Last year my father died from alcohol poisioning due to bienge drinking as a result of depression it hit my family really hard. Then my uncle died of cancer too.  But I kept moving.
 Then I came to afghanistan where I am now six months into a seven month tour. My section commander was blown to pieces right infront of me and I had to struggle to save his life even though he was already dead, he was like a father to me.  My friend's head was cut in half by a chunk of shrapnel last week. My other buddy lost his leg. Last night I
saw I guy get shot in the eye and survive. Its horrible when every step you take could be your last. I only have under a month left outside the wire and I'm still not sure ill make it back alive and in one piece, but I know that if I do life can only get better and when I get home the little things of everyday life won't bother me much because I truely know what bad times are.


My friend's brother killed himself when he was 19 because he just got out of high school and he was in debt. Everyone gets in debt! I owed 20k at one point with nothing at all to show for it.  If he would of just hung in there he would of realized how amazing things change and how long life is and how much that didn't even matter in the big picture.
 
I guess why I'm telling you this is that I've been there too I tried to hang my self in the shower with an extension cord 5
 years ago but now I have found a new appreciation for life and I've never been more sure that I want to live to grow old.
 Life is a journey it has it's highs and it has its lows.  But if we didn't have the bad times we wouldn't really know to aprecciate the good times, for example after all the shit I've been through I've never found more joy in something as simple as watching my nephews play in my sisters back yard.  but you have to hang in t
here man or you'll never see them. You have to! I don't know how old you are but I'm sure your life is just begining and things will change that's the nature of life.

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