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Author Topic: Gamer Classification <facepalm>  (Read 1260 times)

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{EFC}Cobra

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Gamer Classification <facepalm>
« on: February 23, 2010, 08:13:57 am »

So, I've totally been trying to classify gamers I've met over the last 10 years and no this isn't meant to be derogatory in any way, just funny.  These have been gathered by personal experience with these "special" people.

The Elitest - These are the guys that do EVERYTHING by the book, spend their countless hours in forums reading up on anything about the game.  They know everything about the games they play from statistical break-downs to the layout of every map in the game.  They know the secrets to even things that aren't even listed in the manuals. These are also the guys that camp 3 weeks outside "X" store before the release of "Y" game.  These guys generally have very little outside time from games, no matter if it's a Computer, a Nintendo DS, or even a phone, this guys got games on it.

The Whiner- This little bundle of joy is the one in EVERY server that complains about EVERYTHING.  No matter what it is, no matter what the change, there is always something to complain about.  "Nerf, Nerf, Nerf" is all this guy knows.  He has a score of about 6-30 (Kills:Deaths) and blames it soley on the "Imbalance" of the game.  In his mind he feels he is a better developer than the creators or Dev's of the game and server.

The Drunk- This hilarious guy comes in two parts, either A: is the extremely hilarious guy who just doesn't give a rats ass and continuously does rather well because it seems Alcohol has actually IMPROVED his aiming and he's doing three story jumps and still popping people in the head crossed the map. He's also the guy to have probably alot of suicides if there's explosives involved because he forgot how to operate a door and bounced a grenade back in his face...multiple times. B: He's the most annoying guy cause he has a mic and won't shut the hell up.

The Emo- This guy doesn't appear right away, give it about 5-10 times you kill him and he shines out, will scream over Vent or voice that's he's had it and starts telling people to just shoot him and stands in the open.  Then makes fun of you for not being that great cause you shot him in the open.

The Trashtalker- We ALL know this guy.  This is the most annoying person on every server and every game you play on, normally some teenage boy, who thinks he's the best thing since Rambo.  Sometimes he can back up his claims and be really good ,but most times he's about 3 and 40 and after shooting someone yells "You got pwned" even though we're all laughing inside cause we all just looked at his score.

The Pro-Gamer-  These guys have been whooping your ass since Pac-Man.  It's rather hopeless to even go up against em, most people are running away from them and it seems every shot the get on you seems as though somethings not right, maybe cheatings involved.  This is the guy that will pop outta nowhere and shot you in the head and disappear and when you respawn, he's right in front of you again.  He's like Flash on crack.

More to come as I collaborate with my buddy here, anyone else have any, just pot away.

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killermonkey

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Re: Gamer Classification <facepalm>
« Reply #1 on: February 23, 2010, 09:54:52 am »

You forgot:

The Little Bastard Child - He is only ten years old, maybe even younger, and his parents have already given up on his development. They let him hole up in his room (or in the basement so they can't hear him) all day and night playing video games. He has every system all hooked into different monitors so he can switch between them instantly. He has indentations on his head where the headphone mic sits 22 hours of the day (including sleep time). He is also that one player that when he does speak on the mic you sit back and go, wtf has the world come to these days.
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{EFC}Cobra

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Re: Gamer Classification <facepalm>
« Reply #2 on: February 23, 2010, 10:16:45 am »

I forgot the Anti-Sniper/Anti-Campers but I could figure out a name for that pack of lovely haters. Wait..it just came to me...

The Tactician- This guy is the guy who THINKS he knows everything.  He points out what your doing wrong, he points out what you should be doing, and is totally an anti-camper.  Should he get picked off by a sniper, he's the one yelling over voice calling you a camper and calling it a cheap kill.  He's also the guy that can be found running around the map frantically.  He's read every strategy guide and knows the "best" spots to run around, or so he thinks.
« Last Edit: February 23, 2010, 10:23:20 am by {EFC}Cobra »
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{EFC}Cobra

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Re: Gamer Classification <facepalm>
« Reply #3 on: February 23, 2010, 02:54:24 pm »

New one...

The Terrorist- Master with explosives, can bounce a grenade off three orifices and have it land at your feet.  Is the  only person who can run into a group of people with some sort of explosive, kill 5 people and walk out alive, or if he did die, doesn't really care cause he just got 5 kills with one explosive.

Camping "Carl"- This guy is an absolute master at sniping, no matter what the weapon is he can get a headshot from a mile away.  Most commonly referred to as the "camper" though in his mind, camping is a legitimate strategy.  He's also the only one that can get a head shot, opened sited on sniper rifles on a downward fall.
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