Global Communications > Development Media

Mangley's Brain Dump 1.0

(1/3) > >>

So it's been about an infinite amount of time since my last developer blog because I've not done one before. Actually this isn't really a blog though so you have to pretend it is, since it's just an unremarkable forum post. I guess you could argue it is a blog? But it doesn't have the facilities or professionalization of what people would normally recognise as a blog, because it's a forum post...

On at least three occasions over the last couple of weeks I've felt like I need to offload my wisdom onto an unsuspecting crowd, much in the same way that perhaps a disgusting pervert might feel the need to offload something else onto an unsuspecting crowd. But I don't want to be lewd so I'll not take that analogy any further.

This isn't going to be a particularly organised or focussed wall of text... at least I'm not expecting it to in my head at this point, but perhaps in a few paragraph's time it will feel like it has some grand direction that I had been planning all along. I'd mainly just like to offload my thoughts on some recurring subjects that have been running through my brain recently.

Simultaneously, I've recently been feeling a lack of drive or inspiration of creativity, which to an artsy-fartsy type like what I like to see myself as can be a real drag. I'm secretly hoping delivering my thoughts that I'm associating with said drag will help alleviate me and provide some breathing room inside my head somewhere.

Well, four small paragraphs already and I've not even started on the nitty-gritty subject matter. Luckily, I'll be starting in the next paragraph! Because I've just figured out how I'd like to start, and the next sentence will be where it all starts!

Lately I've been thinking about how I'm a compulsive thinker, and an impulsive do-er. I think it's a common problem with creative people. It's easy to get caught up in thinking up grand schemes and perfect visions and then not pursuing them for any number of reasons. You might not have the resources, the ability, or in my case the inspiration and drive to do one thing or another. Perfectionism itself can be a drag, when you realise anything can never reach a state of perfection that you invisage it's very easy to lose the will to start. My tendancy is to delay starting on something so I think it over. Often this is beneficial because I can realise new methods and techniques of approaching technical design problems that I hadn't considered initially, but it also allows the initial excitement of having a bloody good idea to subside. I think ultimately the best thing to do is to ply yourself, make  yourself do it as soon as possible and any problems you'd have realised though thinking you will most likely find through doing anyway. Starting is the first hurdle, after that the rest of the hurdles are what you would call perserverence. But I still feel like I'm taking less of a risk of wasting time if I just think about it.

On this note it's easier to dish out advice than stick to it yourself. That's one thing I've come to realise from being a thinker. I know I'm good at giving advice. I can think up solutions to problems like clockwork. I've probably just given the very same advice that would help me in my own shoes in the previous paragraph. But even recognising so I'll probably just as soon disregard it because its very rare that I'm actually my own source of inspiration.

Yes this is starting to feel like an ego trip. Aren't all blogs essentially an ego trip? I'm not sure. I think some can very informative if they focus around the author's thought processes rather than the author's persona. I guess it's a subjective thing that you're not supposed to think about. I'm going to jump to a completely different subject here, but I'm still hoping to tie these all up neatly at the end...

Human society is parasetic. Yes, that's a blunt opening statement. But it's something I've been thinking about more than anything else recently. The majority of people, groups and businesses seem quite intent on dragging everybody else down for their own gain, and what's worse is everybody seems to be quite content with this happening. Almost as if it's to be expected and that's it's the default behaviour that one should adopt. It irks me that quality of products and services degrades over time because the stardard business model for any enterprise is profits before everything else.

Companies that once produced delicious confections at some point started sourcing cheaper ingredients to boost profits thinking the customers wouldn't notice the change from a deliciously morish, soft, crumbly biscuit to a brittle, tasteless, smaller one. Then their sales go down and they wonder why, so they resort to even cheaper ingredients and smaller portions. Eventually they go out of business and wonder where they went wrong.

A television series that starts promisingly and full of intrigue drags on endlessly, season after season as the writing is stretched thinner and thinner where artistic integrity is contractually traded in to produce a longer running show that will produce more money.

(Insert predictable paragraph bashing on Call Of Duty here)

But anyway, I digress, the real issue with all of this is that the people and the companies don't really believe in their products or their work. They don't value the quality that should be put into them, or the enjoyment that should be gotten out of them. They don't value you as a fan, they don't value you as a customer, they don't even value you as an employee. It's just all about the moneys. Of course, you already knew that because you're not deaf, dumb and blind.

Of course there are still some companies out there who keep it real and believe in what they're doing. There are real artists out there producing incredible things. But for the most part, the majority are in it for what's easy and what's profitable and they should be ignored, disregarded and left to stumble into obscurity.

Sort of turning into a rant isn't it? Not even a particularly organised rant. To be honest I was going to go into ranting about democracy and how it's an utterly flawed system but I've decided to cull that portion because it's even less relevant than I thought.

Creating something rich and detailed and powerful isn't easy. It involves a lot of thought and work that doesn't get seen by the final audience. Some people don't realise this and set themselves up for a fall, you have to be churning out exponentially more work than you're putting on display in order to be not only making an impact by ensuring what's there is the best it can be, but also to be just simply staying on top of demand and expectations. It's why no artist should rush their work, they should work on their own terms so long as they can meet their own standards. If they can't then perhaps they need to be pushed in order to get somewhere.

A masterpiece hanging in a museum is only 5% of of the work that went into it. The other 95% is meticulous preparations, thought, experimentations, drafts, failed attempts, observations, criticism, feedback, corrections and most importantly learning. The greatest artists are the hardest working and most passionate ones. The ones who are always looking for criticism before praise.

So I think this is a good place to stop. Not because I've run out of things to say or time to say them, but simply because it's a good thought to stop on. A high note if you will. These are three things I've been thinking a lot about lately. Fixated on perhaps. They're probably nothing you didn't know already. Also it's worth noting that I'll probably not do another of these 'blogs', as I said before, impulsive do-er.

Basically if you have a good idea, believe in it, don't just think it, but do it, , just don't compromise on your own standards!

Me? I'll take a rain check on it.

Avoid the void!  :-D

Problem? Too much to do.

Solution? Take five minutes, a piece of paper and a pen. Write down the things you find to be most important and stop writing after five minutes. The rest that doesn't cut it appears to be not important enough for you.

Apply some talent show logic and choose the best ones.

Sort alphabeticaly.

Do the first one and work your way down.


I have the same problem as you do. I've been staring at an open source gaming engine and I haven't done shit all week, but now it's progressing ^^,

Anthony Bordain's infamous advice on a failing restaurant (or any business really): Look for the places that are offering one to many specials, happy hours that run forever, and menus that are 5 or more pages long. These are places that have started the death cycle.

Mangley, you are so right, a business or race that doesn't believe in themselves compromises their own advantage in the vain attempt at increasing sales when all they really had to do was promote what makes their product better. The human race is currently in its own macro state of decline, we need to stop cutting corners and start promoting what we do best. Think Apollo.

I feel like I just got career advice from Douglas Adams
Intelligent and truthful, but loaded with dry humour and silly gags


Humanity is flipping a bitch evolutionarily in that actions are less emotion based and more-so logical. Maybe this is due to the influence of logic based computing. Whatever. Being logical requires constant justification of thoughts. Scientific method requires that two ideas be compared in order for one to be true; the projected state and the result state. This is essentially relativity, where one state is relative to another. This ties back to internal thought processes in that compulsive thinking (in the form of internalized problem solving) requires comparisons of potential and actual outcomes. If you have no comparative state to be utilized in justifying your own ideas or thought process, you'll begin to doubt yourself.

In my mind, compulsive thinking and anxiety are synonymous. I suffered from extreme social and generalized anxiety as a result of a very fucked up childhood. This anxiety led to a loss of confidence in my own work, which is why I chose to do so much pro-bono jobs. I never believed in myself enough to think I could be making money writing music. Doing it for free allowed me to enjoy the process, not worrying about pleasing anyone but myself. In recent months, I've had a bit of an epiphany; If I am who I am, then why do I think about what I need to do in order to be me? Don't think, just be. I've since flourished artistically and have well settled into the entertainment industry.

I'm going to cut myself off here before I go any deeper into my own mind. It can be a scary place  :-X


[0] Message Index

[#] Next page

Go to full version