My favorite part was: "He should have to buy a new license so that Microsoft can improve there stuff."
You should have to buy a new bathtub, even though you already have a bathtub, so the bathtub company can improve there bathtubs, by making them require more-expensive plumbing, have larger knobs that have signs pointing at them saying "THIS MAKES WATER COME OUT" and "DANGER, HOT! Are you sure you want to use this water? Y/N/Remind Me Later", and you will be visited regularly by a little man to make sure that you installed your bathtub legally because you are by default a criminal, and to fill your bathtub with cement if you re-arranged your furniture too many times since the first time he came.
Your new bathtub does have slightly-better skid pads in the bottom, but neither are good enough to protect you from falling if you get too much soap on your feet, so both tubs require those sandpaper splat decals, but we'll pretend that slightly-better skid pads are an earth-shattering improvement.
I'm more of a shower-man, but Gabe Newell can't fit inside one, so he ignored shower-men and went after the giant jacuzzi hippies, instead, not apparently noticing that very few people have giant jacuzzis in their bathrooms, and those that do rarely use them for bathing, anyway, because hippies don't wash.