I had a monitor failure which benched me for 2 weeks. I have an anxiety disorder so its not like hauling a computer into a store is easy. I do all my problem-solving via internet, mail, and when i can afford it - callout tech's.
Well the issue is resolved now, I finally ordered a replacement LCD, it is a 2ms 23" samsung, full HD 1080p. So bigger, better and faster than my previous LG 22" 16:10 monitor. All is well in that regard now. Computer issues over.
Week 3 is a different kettle of fish..This time its not a case diagnosing a computer part. I think my girlfriend of 6 years isnt in love with me like she was, anymore. We have been in a long distance thing for 4 of those now. And while I feel the same exact way as when i told her I loved her (we were good friends), I think she may have lost some feelings or been taken by someone in her real surroundings. I don't mean literally though I havent asked her that directly.
Between '07 and '09, things were very strong. We both had previous things "online" before we were together. So we understand the world. Its not too far off pen pals I always say...You know you hear those sappy stories of people 50 years ago corresponding via mail and finding out they have so much in common with the other, and fall in love. Finally after 10 years they decide to get over the fear and meet.
Well, we didnt even start that way, and though we continue to be apart in the literally physical sense, I can just open skype whenever she is online and she'll have a pretty good understanding from my tone and behaviour that I'm thinking of her in the physical sense..beat that penpals.
Money is the reason, we are both pretty poor and she is getting the rest of her education back home in colorado. Im stuck here in down under land, and tbo not a whole lot of me wants to live in the U.S, only the parts that want to be laid, or make money. Lifestyle wise I am happy in this little corner of the world. So, constant travel to her, or her to me isnt possible without putting crazy financial burden upon us.
Well anyway. I told her I'd noticed a big change in the way we communicate, specifically wondering if she had her feelings about me changed or questioned since recently. She got busy in the last 6 months and has been run off her ass with school and then she does telemarketting 6 hours 4 nights a week. What time she has she tries to claw her way onto yahoo and spend some time with me. But I noticed it. Even more than being busy she has slowly pulled away being into "us". I just assumed it was people in her world, that have always annoyed her and made her feel like shit, and brought up her troubled past.
So, tomorrow or whenever she has time I will be having a serious talk with my angela, whom I actually never imagined anything would change with, and it hadnt for 3.5 years of the "online relationship". Everyday felt the same amount of love, lust and affection for one another.
Yeah, crappy, sooo... this week will end with a few possibilities and saying them out loud is better than feeling ill inside.
a) We talk and she tells me she just hates not being with me physically, and that it makes her confused and frustrated about being in a long distance thing - and lists what I can do, and what she can do, to fix that (best case)
b) We talk and she tells me she still loves me and cares for me, but she is tempted by a guy she is friends with, and feels guilty that each day she falls less "in love" with me, and more with him. (I'd settle for that shit, distance impaired or not I can overcome some prick who known her less than a year.)
c) We talk and she tells me I did something wrong, or am failing her to be emotionally supportive, and it caused her to completely fall out of love with her before she could realize to say "we need to talk", and her friends are all more helpful to her problems. (would suck and likely leave us to decide to continue and fix it)
d) We talk and she tells me she changed, and became something different and wants something different, which isnt me anymore - though she will always care about me, she isnt emotionally or physically attached to me like she was and believes she could find that in her world (this would crush me, because I dont feel I have changed, I was great for her, she always told me I was.)
Either one, or variant of, I am uneasy to find out. And I just hope she doesnt tell me it was me. Because no kidding I have done everything a person could to make another person feel satisfied on all levels with a long distance thing.
We will see
Wish me luck.
