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Crappy 3rd week

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Wake[of]theBunT:
I had a monitor failure which benched me for 2 weeks. I have an anxiety disorder so its not like hauling a computer into a store is easy. I do all my problem-solving via internet, mail, and when i can afford it - callout tech's.

Well the issue is resolved now, I finally ordered a replacement LCD, it is a 2ms 23" samsung, full HD 1080p. So bigger, better and faster than my previous LG 22" 16:10 monitor. All is well in that regard now. Computer issues over.

Week 3 is a different kettle of fish..This time its not a case diagnosing a computer part. I think my girlfriend of 6 years isnt in love with me like she was, anymore. We have been in a long distance thing for 4 of those now. And while I feel the same exact way as when i told her I loved her (we were good friends), I think she may have lost some feelings or been taken by someone in her real surroundings. I don't mean literally though I havent asked her that directly.

Between '07 and '09, things were very strong. We both had previous things "online" before we were together. So we understand the world. Its not too far off pen pals I always say...You know you hear those sappy stories of people 50 years ago corresponding via mail and finding out they have so much in common with the other, and fall in love. Finally after 10 years they decide to get over the fear and meet.

Well, we didnt even start that way, and though we continue to be apart in the literally physical sense, I can just open skype whenever she is online and she'll have a pretty good understanding from my tone and behaviour that I'm thinking of her in the physical sense..beat that penpals.

Money is the reason, we are both pretty poor and she is getting the rest of her education back home in colorado. Im stuck here in down under land, and tbo not a whole lot of me wants to live in the U.S, only the parts that want to be laid, or make money. Lifestyle wise I am happy in this little corner of the world. So, constant travel to her, or her to me isnt possible without putting crazy financial burden upon us.

Well anyway. I told her I'd noticed a big change in the way we communicate, specifically wondering if she had her feelings about me changed or questioned since recently. She got busy in the last 6 months and has been run off her ass with school and then she does telemarketting 6 hours 4 nights a week. What time she has she tries to claw her way onto yahoo and spend some time with me. But I noticed it. Even more than being busy she has slowly pulled away being into "us". I just assumed it was people in her world, that have always annoyed her and made her feel like shit, and brought up her troubled past.

So, tomorrow or whenever she has time I will be having a serious talk with my angela, whom I actually never imagined anything would change with, and it hadnt for 3.5 years of the "online relationship". Everyday felt the same amount of love, lust and affection for one another.

Yeah, crappy, sooo... this week will end with a few possibilities and saying them out loud is better than feeling ill inside.

a) We talk and she tells me she just hates not being with me physically, and that it makes her confused and frustrated about being in a long distance thing - and lists what I can do, and what she can do, to fix that (best case)

b) We talk and she tells me she still loves me and cares for me, but she is tempted by a guy she is friends with, and feels guilty that each day she falls less "in love" with me, and more with him. (I'd settle for that shit, distance impaired or not I can overcome some prick who known her less than a year.)

c) We talk and she tells me I did something wrong, or am failing her to be emotionally supportive, and it caused her to completely fall out of love with her before she could realize to say "we need to talk", and her friends are all more helpful to her problems. (would suck and likely leave us to decide to continue and fix it)

d) We talk and she tells me she changed, and became something different and wants something different, which isnt me anymore - though she will always care about me, she isnt emotionally or physically attached to me like she was and believes she could find that in her world (this would crush me, because I dont feel I have changed, I was great for her, she always told me I was.)

Either one, or variant of, I am uneasy to find out. And I just hope she doesnt tell me it was me. Because no kidding I have done everything a person could to make another person feel satisfied on all levels with a long distance thing.

We will see :( Wish me luck.

basstronix:
You're thinking about it too much. Running through hypothetical scenarios only screws things up even more due to paranoid out-of-character actions. Trust me buddy, I've been there. Maybe not 6 years, but I've sure as shit been in the same situation. Hit me up on skype and we'll talk about it.

Enzo.Matrix:

--- Quote from: Wake[of]theBunT on May 27, 2010, 08:22:12 am ---tbo not a whole lot of me wants to live in the U.S

--- End quote ---

QFT


Dude, at least you have a relationship of sorts.  I have nothing.

Wake[of]theBunT:
well, thanks man appreciate that, bass ; but I think I dont have too much of a need to chat with someone until I find out what the something is. And that is going to be the chat today or asap.

I believe I am thinking about the situation as level headed as I can - maybe that didnt come across in my first post there. And while shes not online I can have this thinking help me be calm and straight forward for the important talk we'll be having. Get my fears out the way beforehand so that any paranoia isnt fresh in my mind.

Jeron [SharpSh00tah]:
Wake, it seems like me and you run parallel with l-i-f-e's struggles. Unfortunately long distance relationships are a real tough way to be in love. You both are in-love with what you remember about each other, and the fact that you cannot see the present version of yourselvs makes it hard too. But you are way over-thinking the scenarios my friend. I hate to say you need to let it play out; but you do. I have been in a similar scenario except we where in a distance where we could see eachother daily.

Keep in mind that it is very, very, possible that her life, filled with school,  work, life, and sleep really do take a serious strain, and toll on her time. So it is very possible that she has just simply put, been to buisy to speak. I know that would probably hurt to hear, but when your relationship is held together with fiber obtics, nobody can just have time to see someone. With you two, there is a need for a set date, and time in which you can talk/see with her.

But again, time heals all wounds, I know it is so very cliche, but it is so true. I know when you love someone it is hard not to think about them, and when you are not with them, some horrible thoughts enter your mind. I have been there, and done that. Wake, when those thoughts enter your head, know that they are not true, and have not happened. You are deffinately over thinking, some things, and love will make your brain function in really awkward ways, to the point that you think your going insane. Again, this has happened to me. Keep in mind that when you dont know what is happening in life, your brain will create scenarios so that you can "understand" what is going on; even if the scenario you created is completely wrong. That is just the way we, as humans, think.

Again, I hope the best, get some rest, and the rest, will come in time.

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