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[Jeron [SharpSh00tah]]

My life has hit rock bottom. My father has been laid off. My brother and his Fiancee have a kid comming with no money. I also have been laid off, I have no money because I pay for my car, power, insurance, and mortgage just for a start. For god sake, I had to buy groceries for my father as he cryed on my sholder.

I think after my mother passed away my brain has not functioned the way it has before. I got laid off tonight and my father is "discusted/dissapointed" and knocked me out literally.

The three girls I was speaking with want nothing to do with me now that I have no money. Shows how real they are.

I have no job, no money, no life partner, no family.

The thought of suicide has never entered my mind until today. I am scared for my own saftey and dont know who else to turn to. I find it extremely sad (as I am crying writing this) that the only people I can turn to is this Team and community. I have nobody.

I live in south Florida in Palm Beach County, specifically Boca Raton. Everyone is rich here and drives their Bently's and Lamborghinis'. Yet, I have nothing, except a roof over my head. My car is gone, my computer is gone, my phone has been shut off, and I am stealing internet.

I cant even get started about my mother passing away as my cuzzing did too; equalevant to my brother. I cant believe suicide has even entered my brain as I thought I had it undercontrol.

With a black eye, busted lip and a torn heart, I am lost, depressed, and cant believe I am about to end it.

~Jeron

[Mark [lodle]]

Hey Sharp,

We have all been there mate and you have to believe that it will get better. I know times are tough for allot of people but you and i can get through this. If you need some one to talk about your issues im always around the corner on skype (well half way round the world in real life) and im sure if you need some money i for one will be willing to help out.

Mark

[Wake[of]theBunT]

Sharp, me too. I have always given you any money I could spare for you to get things you need desperately and this is no exception. We will always be here for each other.

Please don't sink further to these thoughts because you have to think of the people too, all around you, who have lost their family member (your mother) and would have to deal with yet another loss. It feels like they wouldnt care because everyone is doing it tough and your emotions tell you "i need a way out", but thats not true about your family! They like us, if understand how low it is you feel, would want to show the love and give you all the reasons they could how you can get through it.

You have to live for the hope that it will turn around. Your brother will need a hand with that kid, man. He'll need a babysitter over the next few years when he gets a job and she does part-time work during to give that kid everything it needs. They might not spare for someone to do it, they will need their family support, and you are part of that.

Many reasons to live for hope. And I'm sure along with mark, we are not the only ones who can throw you a bone or two if you need it badly anytime this week or for a bill coming up, don't be afraid ask. I will also be on steam where you can always reach me, even if im not there when you write ill read it and email you within a few hours I promise!

[kraid]

As Mark and Wake allready said, you can count on us.
Try to focus on the things worth living for, like family or friends.
Just hang in there, if you don't do it for yourself, do it at least for them and for us.

[Goldenzen]

and important to say is that you only can appreciate the good times when you had bad times as well.
In future when you`ll have things in order and you`re happy with it you will appreciate it even more because you`ve also seen the bad sides of life.
Worst thing you could do now is end things because then you`ll never see the good sides of life...

[jjmusicnotes]

Although it might not seem like it right now, there are many people in your life that love you, and things will get better.  Certainly there are many people here ready and willing to do whatever they can to help you the best that they can, whether it be listening, or sharing their own hard times.

I think that it's important for you to know that you are not alone in this, even though the weight of the world may feel like it's all coming down on you.

I don't know if you're a religious guy at all, but even if you're not, and you're willing to give it a try, try talking to God - He always listens man.

There have been some really hard times in my life (thought of suicide pretty frequently for a while,) and God helped me get through it.



Things do get better, and you have people in your life that love you and support you and care for you.

[Mangley]

Life can get really heavy sometimes, it sucks, but there are always high points ahead. Things can only get better, you have to always remember that. Sometimes tthings seem like they can't get worse and then they do and it breaks you mentally.

Some people just need a break from the stress, to find the simple pleasures in life again. Take a day away from the madness, find a nice peaceful quiet place in the sun where you can just relax on some grass by yourself and contemplate, feel the breeze on your face.

You may feel you have nothing to lose, but that is never true, no matter how much you manage to fool yourself. You have only truly lost everything when you are dead. So long as you're alive, you're in a world full of opportunity and potential.

[Luchador]

Hey Jeron, we are ALL here for you. I know what's it like to hit those bottoms, but I promise you things will get better. You're young and have so many opportunities, it would be just terrible if you did something crazy and let it all go. If you ever need someone to talk to I'm here for you and I know there are many others who want to do everything they can to help, too. You did a great thing by turning to us instead of keeping it in. We can turn this around.

[coolDisguise]

Hello Jeron,

I'm glad you didn't rush that decision but wrote in here.
And I'm really sorry for your situation and I wish for it to get better.

These things are never easy and like jjmusicnotes I sadly don't know much about you.
But if you're religious, basically almost every religion tells you not to commit suicide.
And if you're into science try thinking of it this way:

If for every moment in life there is a possibility that it get's better or worse - wouldn't math proof, that  it would have to become better at some point (since the probability of chained worse-only-events would be near to 0)?

Also there's two possibilties.
1. the end of life is the end of everything
2. there is something after death

If the end of life is the end of it all, would you want to waste every chance to experience something good?

If there is something after, how might the chances be that it would be better? I for one doubt the chances are good.
E.g. if you'd only think you'd be reborn, think of how much worse your situation could be then.
Perhaps your current situation + not being able to to walk or such?

And as you recognized, we, the people in here (the forums), care for you.
Although it's you decision after all, think of it carefully before taking action.
You know, we would want you to live and of course, want you to be happy again, someday.
Just as you would want for someone to live,
if you could see he'll probably get back to a point in his life where he wouldn't think of suicide at all.

[Jeron [SharpSh00tah]]

I appriciate the words, but I am still in the same situation. I just dont understand how someone can live their life and do the right thing for everyone, not just myself. I have so many bills comming up its un believable. Car/rent/electric/CC etc etc. I really have nothing to say because so much is going on, my mind is literally blank and numb.

My source of enjoyment is mapping for this game. Yet, I cant even do that because I dont have a computer that can handle the programs anymore.

When it rains it pours. I have alot of other issues going on that I cant/dont even want to speak about. The weight on my sholders have literally made my legs collaps. I literally collapsed trying to stand up and face life. I have never experianced my knees buckling. (other than when I tore my ACL)

I dont understand how this "god" can throw so much shit my way. And all these people that deal drugs, or these rap stars who have done nothing but trouble make millions.

Its scary.

[Rodney 1.666]

And all these people that deal drugs, or these rap stars who have done nothing but trouble make millions.

Its scary.

I concur, and the best way to say "fuck you" to those cretins (in the sense of personal satisfaction) would be to hang in there and pick yourself up again.
There's always a point to start from.

[Enzo.Matrix]

Your at the ocean..  we have a contact that is in the Coast Guard..  open your mind to new things.  Maybe this is happening to align you with your true purpose.

Also Army is not an option.

[Jeron [SharpSh00tah]]

Again, all true words, I got a general recruters phone number, hopefully for coast guard. KM I need to speak with you.

Also, I wanted this topic to be aimed towards I can understand why people commit suicide. Not so much as I will commit suicide... It is just such an eerie feeling.

[CCsaint10]

Sharp, I would be glad to help you out with money if need be. Do not be afraid to ask. You were the first developer that really took the time to sit down with me and teach me how to map and help my problems. Seeing you down like this an even consider suicide just stabs me inside. You are such a great guy and I have learned so much from you. You are a true friend. Don't follow through with it. You're the greatest man.

[Wake[of]theBunT]

I understand, Jeron. However we must react as though an admission of thoughts like this means you may in the future. And with the unpredictability of your internet access, its important for right now you that you are seeing this thread - you see how much support we can and are eager to give you. And what value we think you are to us and your private life. <3

[Jeron [SharpSh00tah]]

Well, I cant thank you guys enough, but the job hunt starts again today. I feel like my chest weights 1000 pounds. But guys thank you for real, atleast there is someone to talk to. I had countless IM's through steam over the days, and I cant thank enought of you. If I didnt respond please dont think I was ignoring you.

[Jonathan [Spider]]

keep hittin the pavement every day dude, its rough right now but just gotta be persistent you'll get something soon enough I'm sure.
If you need to talk again you can bug me and monkey on steam again for another pow wow, or text me or what ever.

[The Cy]

jeron, I don´t know you, but I´m a big fan of your work. it´s obvious that you´re a fantastic level designer. don´t let that precious talent go to waste. the world is a damn motherfucker sometime which tries to force you into a lonely corner. which makes you suffer. which drives your mind fucking crazy every minute.

but believe me: there will be better times. after all this shit you will open your eyes from a new perspective which allows you to breath freely. that will be the moment you will raise again...bit by bit.

[InvertedShadow]

Sharp,
I'm sorry to hear your life has gotten so hard. I feel for you man. My life has been on a constant decline for months now. I've lost enthusiasm, confidence, the works. But I know it's just a phase of life, people have to go through ups and downs it seems.

I really hope stuff works out for you.

[WatchMyTrace]

All I read was your first post jeron I feel for ya man but just let me share a thing or two with you.
Everyone has demons to wrestle with and everyone comes opon hard times in there life, everyone.
 I've been poor and starving in trouble with the law, evicted and almost homeless all in the same year. Oh yeah and I was almost addicted to cocaine and I got home invaded and robbed at gun point.  But things change in life and it is true that after every dark night there is a bright day.
 I had no idea what to do with my life though and it took a lot of thinking but I decided to join the army (canadian) and for the first time in my life I found some purpose and direction. 3 years went by I got healthy, confident, I was making good money, got a girlfriend who I love, and I felt like I could take on the world.
 Last year my father died from alcohol poisioning due to bienge drinking as a result of depression it hit my family really hard. Then my uncle died of cancer too.  But I kept moving.
 Then I came to afghanistan where I am now six months into a seven month tour. My section commander was blown to pieces right infront of me and I had to struggle to save his life even though he was already dead, he was like a father to me.  My friend's head was cut in half by a chunk of shrapnel last week. My other buddy lost his leg. Last night I
saw I guy get shot in the eye and survive. Its horrible when every step you take could be your last. I only have under a month left outside the wire and I'm still not sure ill make it back alive and in one piece, but I know that if I do life can only get better and when I get home the little things of everyday life won't bother me much because I truely know what bad times are.


My friend's brother killed himself when he was 19 because he just got out of high school and he was in debt. Everyone gets in debt! I owed 20k at one point with nothing at all to show for it.  If he would of just hung in there he would of realized how amazing things change and how long life is and how much that didn't even matter in the big picture.
 
I guess why I'm telling you this is that I've been there too I tried to hang my self in the shower with an extension cord 5
 years ago but now I have found a new appreciation for life and I've never been more sure that I want to live to grow old.
 Life is a journey it has it's highs and it has its lows.  But if we didn't have the bad times we wouldn't really know to aprecciate the good times, for example after all the shit I've been through I've never found more joy in something as simple as watching my nephews play in my sisters back yard.  but you have to hang in t
here man or you'll never see them. You have to! I don't know how old you are but I'm sure your life is just begining and things will change that's the nature of life.

[WatchMyTrace]

After reading more I could suggest the military. It definatly is a good carrer, but stay out of the army man it sucks go airforce or something I'm sure your a smart guy and you could get a good tech job. But what ever you do never, ever, EVER, go infantry like I did... Or marines...  Never! I'm definatly requesting a occupaional transfer if I ever get out of this hell hole.

[Jeron [SharpSh00tah]]

I am 20, and thank you for the story, i deffinately see what you mean in that. I am seriousally concidering the coast guard, but I would assume to join after I graduate with the mechanical engineering degree. But as down as I am, I need to keep walking, if I cant do it for myself, then I must for my family. That would be the most selfish move ever; if I where to go through with it. Although again, I would not. I can just understand how someone would.
But again, I cant thank all of you guys enough!